We now pause for some Aussie re-education...

Friend of Blog Mike has some exceptional timing (a trait I'm finding is more the rule than the exception for the Aussies), especially in consideration he's most likely asleep when I'm in the conscious mode over here. I say this especially today because he has graced my email inbox with one of the most comical 'renditions' (read: parodies) of Australian history I most likely will ever read. As a person whose truck decided to cut out last night on an interstate (60mph to 10mph in 300 yards or less, fittingly in the passing lane, at a busy exit ramp) and whose same stallion almost got T-boned twice by my 'considerate, fellow motorists' on my way to the Bluegrass Jam as a result, finally creeping back home and finding this gem in the inbox was a sweet joy. And damn good for a laugh, especially mid-week and mid-auto crisis.

As a primer, though, I've included here two postcards here that are sold everywhere in Oz for the tourists to send home. Not so much for the artwork (which looks surprisingly like that which graces countless country music honkytonks throughout the great states of Oklahoma and Texas), but more as a vocabulary primer to those less indoctrinated than I. Alas, if you're still confused, check out some definitions from Aussie Slang. (Keep in mind, though, the Aussies live to test tourists on their knowledge of such phrases...and they're always one step ahead of you, always. A vitally important bit of information for all non-antipodean visitors. Latin may be a dead language, but the same fate will never befall Aussie slang.)

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Aussie Bloke Translation ©Murray Views Postcard & Souvenir Specialists.
(Click to enlarge.)

Aussie Sheila Translation ©Murray Views Postcard & Souvenir Specialists.
(Click to enlarge.) (And, no, I still don't understand how 'Sheila' got to be the chosen name, either. Mike??)

Okay, very basic primer done. Now for the good stuff.

Without further delay, I give you the "Uncyclopedia" page on "a'Straiya" (which, believe me, is the correct pronunciation). There are so many things on this that visitors need to know, I think it would be wise if Qantas made it into a video to watch upon landing. But, then again, maybe not: Air New Zealand carries a ton of folks to Oz, too, and I'm not sure the great Aussie/Kiwi rivalry really wants a Kiwi version of this gem...LOL...as the Kiwis will not be as kind on the subject matter here. (They love each other, they hate each other...and sometimes all within a span of a few minutes. Keep a safe distance and laugh aloud at your own risk...and that applies globally.)

Many thanks again and a hearty 'good onya" go out to Mike.