24 April 2007

Staggering Upward...the A to the Q

So I've gotten a few emails over the last few days and need to answer them...

Yes, I'm still around and still processing last week's events. Yes, it's always something, but yes, this is also what most people call Life.

No, I have not retreated to under a rock to protect myself from all the bad news. Although I'm not so sure getting lost at the beach or in the mountains someplace would necessarily be a bad thing after the last three weeks.

Yes, I am working a bit too hard on far too many projects and with too many people. I should be happy my input, ideas, and work ethic are desired, I guess, but on the flip side I'm dangerously close to being burned out. Which means I probably already am, as even I am recognizing the mental and emotional fatigue.

No, I still haven't had a vacation yet this year even though I really need one. I still have people angry at me for pulling out of the one I scheduled for March, job or no job.

Yes, I fully recognize that doing something can cause more things to need to be done, but I'd rather be known for trying to do something positive that failed than never trying at all. Seems like a no-brainer to me, actually. (Except for that burn-out factor mentioned above.)

No, I still don't understand what make people 'tick' (or not, as the case may be) or why we have to hurt each other to make things 'even'. Both on a large and small scale...whether it be Virginia Tech, a friend's self-destructing marriage and messy divorce, or the intrusion of a former (and distrusted) acquaintance into my personal affairs...I still have to take a deep breath and just acknowledge I may never know the 'why' to these (and so many more) situations. And I need to accept all of that, as painful as it is for me to do. And still go forward.

All I can say is, is there has got to be a Higher Plan. I don't know what it is yet, but all indicators lead to a Higher Plan. I have to believe that, because frankly I don't like the prospect of the alternative right now.

And, finally, an apology is due: To my beloved WR, who I did not fully respect the feelings too well of last Thursday and whose pain was quite evident, even at a thunderously great Albannach show. I'm very sorry, mate: after most of my life in and out of clinical medical settings, I unfortunately was medical and clinical when we spoke...the absolute worst thing I could have been...in your loss. My favourite all-time Hokie was in pain and I couldn't address it properly, let alone lessen it. A thousand hugs, dear friend, and I ask for your forgiveness for my unfeeling behaviour.

Now I'm going to put one foot in front of the other and slowly, but surely, I will reach the peak of this hill...for this portion of the climb, anyway.

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