15 April 2007

Dedicated to all those who are searching for calm in the storm...

It's raining here tonight, cats and dogs-like, and has been off and on for hours. And the rest of Sunday promises more of the same, plus some high winds. No snow, though, (which will unfortunately plague the Northeast later today) and for that I am grateful. But it's the kind of night in which I amazingly can't sleep...the kind of night where you long for a good convo with a friend in front of a fire, the kind of night where you long for a midnight walk on an empty beach, the kind of night where you long for a friend and lover to hold you until a happy sleep is unavoidable.

It's also apparently a night for change, capping off a week or more of change for some. Part of my insomnia tonight is also the inability to turn my mind off. When my friends are troubled, I pride myself a bit (I guess) on 'being there' for them and they know it. (All the more reason I know that psychology degree is paying off, even if I don't use it in the everyday job...LOL.) This week, to put it mildly, has been an exceptionally busy one on the 'good friend' side. Broken hearts, broken wallets, broken trust, broken vows...it's been a tough one in the state of the human condition. Some times I've been sad, more than a few times I've been angry, once I've been rather betrayed and let down, and in two cases I've been relieved. Yet, as much as this friend-counseling has effected me, it's effected those directly involved far, far worse. I can't sleep because I'm trying to figure out what I can do to be a better friend and supporter to them; many of them can't sleep because they're in a deep emotional pain this morning. And, as much as I want to, I can't just reach in and remove that hurt from them. Believe me when I say I would if I could.

But sleep will come to me eventually today, although it most likely will be light again before it does so. No matter...my friends are my family in many ways and my family and loved ones always come first. I've practiced the 'me first' mentality of living in what seems like eons ago and it doesn't work anymore...and it shouldn't have worked in the first place all those years ago. I get less sleep some days perhaps now, but I know the friends I have will be there for me should I ever call upon them. They're fewer in number than they used to be, yes, and they're scattered throughout the globe, true, but they're great people everyday and fantastic people when it matters most.

And, in the midst of this 'decompression' that I go through after one of my marathon 'listen sessions', I try to find something to read or listen to that will settle my mind down a bit and onto much more mundane affairs. Books were not working tonight, so I searched for music. At some point, I switched to finding a particular gospel piece that inspires and grounds me..."The Truth Shall Set You Free"...but after some searching, I realized its CD was left behind with some earrings in a motel in Grafton last year. Oh well, the earrings weren't too meaningful, but I sure hope someone took the time to listen and appreciate the music. Real shame about leaving that CD, though.

Still not happy with my other music and still unable to mentally 'switch off', I came back to this little box of electronics and found a new online radio station from Oz to listen to. (I always find the Oz radio announcements rather quaintly funny...the Harvey Norman's "Go, Harvey, Go!" and Bing Lee jingles will forever remain in my head, I swear. Oz radio also doesn't play the same 22 songs all day, every day, which is also a big plus. American mainstream radio has much to learn from them, in my opinion. Plus...and I admit this sounds a bit 'new agey'...but every time I tune in, invariably it's already tomorrow there. So for us Scarlett O'Hara descendant types, it's somewhat comforting to know that tomorrow is already going on in Nature's Paradise.) About four songs in, though, I heard what I'd been looking for...the following song entitled "Opportunity". While it took me awhile to find the exact artist (Oz radio is not, however, real keen on saying the 'last played' song info), I knew immediately this is the kind of message I needed to hear...and also the message I needed to give to others. For those of you who can happily count your blessings in life, enjoy. For those of you who are hurting directly or, like me, as the byproduct of a friend's pain, take comfort and peace. It's easy to be angry, and hurt, and sad. It's much, much harder, though, to feel those things and still march on. Keep the faith, people, keep the faith. Tomorrow is, in fact, another day.

(Video from YouTube, as usual. Lyrics from Leo's Lyrics.)


by Pete Murray, video with Murray and John Mayer
from his album "See The Sun"
©2005 Pete Murray


So it goes another lonely day
You're saving time but you're miles away
Your flowers drowning in some bitter tea
Seeing lost opportunity
Find your mirror
Go and look inside
See the talent you always hide
Don't go kid yourself, well not today
Satisfaction's not far away

Hold on now, your exit's here
It's waiting just for you
Don't pause too long
It's fading now
It's ending all too soon you'll see
Soon you'll see

Your coffee's warm but your milk is sour
Life is short but you're here to flower
Dream yourself along another day
Never miss opportunity
Don't be scared of what you cannot see
Your only fear is possibility
Never wonder what the hell went wrong
Your second chance may never come along




Soon you'll see
Soon you'll see
Soon you'll see
Soon you'll see


Lela said...

wow - this was exactly what I needed (plus I love John Mayer). It's sunday night and I am also unable to sleep. It's at these times that I feel most inspired yet most helpless. It doesn't help of course that I have a uni report that I'm supposed to be working on...
Thankyou for this, and for your reflections; I hope things are working out now :)

the marquise said...

Thank you, Leia.

Things will settle down eventually for me and my mates, some are just having a much more difficult time than others. It's a process, as is everything that happens in due time.

Since Monday, though, it's become rather foolhardy to compare our problems with those of others at Virginia Tech. We are all praying for them...all the while counting our blessings at the same time.

the marquise said...

And good luck on your studies, too, by the way. Sometimes I wish I was back doing that again...I think I would have changed majors or something. As I've found out the hard way, psychology is really beneficial only when you stay in it for the long haul and get a PhD...and I never liked running rats through all those mazes to test 'conditioning behaviours'.