08 September 2006

Surfing Tonight for a Better Brain Tomorrow

I hate it when I have insomnia. And actually insomnia for me can be quite the thing, for on average I normally only sleep for 4-5 hours a night anyway, and when insomnia strikes it can last for days with me. (The only other person I've ever heard being this way and still being relatively sane is "Tonight Show" host Jay Leno, but he's got a cushier job than I do, too, LOL.) So, here I am, 2:35 am Friday morning my time, and I can't sleep. I should be able to sleep...I've done the trip back home, the grocery shopping and storage, the laundry, even some minor housekeeping. I've attempted to watch some bad television even...but had to turn it off because the History Channel's got something on about ancient Rome and then I will be awake til dawn. (Love those ancient Roman shows, and don't even think about pulling me away from anything remotely attached to ancient architecture.) Hot showers don't work. Eating doesn't work, and especially so when you've been given the lecture (as I was recently) to cut back on the late night snacks as it is. Can't play music as the headphones are broken and everyone else in the apartment building is snoring logs. While I brought work with me (on my vacation, how sick is that?), that's the last thing I want to do. Friends who should be online due to the time difference are not tonight (buds in Australia...what? you're ALL hard at work on a Friday afternoon there??). So, my idle hands have found the keyboard, and, by extension, that glorious thing that we all share called the Internet.

And it's positively amazing what you'll be led to if you just choose one link and then, from that original site, keep clicking on other links. So far I have found 14 Spam® recipes to make in less than 30 minutes; discovered the mistakes most American women make when performing oral sex (from a site in Western Australia, no less, where I am positive the Yanks there had no idea 'a test' was being administered); evaluated my closet for the upcoming fall fashions and concluding not only do I not have anything, I don't care that I don't; snickered at some comments regarding a poor Indian bloke who has been born with 2 functioning penises and wants one removed; reupped my coverage for AAA for the mighty Argentio (my Nissan truck...I named it because if you're going to cuss something, which I will, it deserves a name at least); salivated at the Ovation® guitar I would practically kill for; verified once again that half of Hollywood is talentless and almost the other half is extraorbitantly overpaid for their 'services'; and have decided to learn a new language (or two) totally for free from the BBC.

Yes, that's right, folks. You, too, can learn a multitude of languages from the BBC Languages site for free and from the comfort of your personal computer. So while the rest of the world is starting and/or viewing yet another porn site every three seconds or contributing a clip to (*NOT WORK FRIENDLY, ADULTS ONLY*) VoyeurWeb, you can be learning German or Welsh. (What's odd: I know native speakers from both areas and somehow the 'text' of the BBC tests and the 'actual' spoken words are vastly different.) And, by the way, if you actually do go searching for porn, I also read a very interesting article (and comments) about how internet porn is changing our sex lives, written by a man in the Sydney Morning Herald. Wonders never cease. It's like six degrees from not only Kevin Bacon, but also from profound mental seizure.

And I bet you didn't know the following were available, too, if you just click hard enough:
  • you can determine an approximate date of your death (God willing) and find out your body mass index (BMI), too, at The Death Clock?
  • learn from a master professional (and a few other important interpersonal skills) in the art of the professional staredown? (And make sure to read the "Director's Manifesto" about what he's trying to accomplish and his attitude on moviemaking...I think I'm in love.)
  • take a tour of your heart, including learning that death by heart disease is a relatively new phenomenon due to modern life?
  • replay the arcade and video games of your lost youth?

    and finally, perhaps my answer of calm to help me snooze...

  • watch webcam sunsets all over the world (more than 200 on any given day, that should hold me for awhile)? Combine that with my beloved surf and beach cams from Australia, and I should be drifting off to LaLaLand anytime soon.

    Let's hope, anyway.
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