Ben Folds tonight at Memorial Hall, UNC

Just a quick reminder that the mighty entertaining and songwriting mastermind that is Ben Folds is making a tour stop tonight at Memorial Hall on UNC-Chapel Hill's main campus. The show starts at 8 pm. And while tickets have technically been sold out for weeks now (with no help from the Carolina Union Box Office misinforming the official sale date to at least three people that I know of, so far), there are some enterprising folks who are selling their admissions on Craigslist and the like, although you'll need to sift through all of those wanting to sell NASCAR® tickets for Martinsville and the die-hard basketball fans needing them for the Final Four. For those attending but who are not aware of the parking situation at UNC, I would strongly recommend arriving well early enough to get some place to park downtown (and maybe even get a bite there, too). Rest assured, the fanatics who have followed Ben for years will be heavy in attendance (while he's moved to Adelaide now, he originally is listed hailing from nearby Winston-Salem, NC), as well they should be.

©Ben Folds, picture taken from his profile page at MySpace

Fear not, good friends, if you cannot score tickets to what will certainly be a great show tonight: dear Ben is in the beginning stages of a massive summer concert tour, and will be back here on July 31 over at Raleigh's Walnut Creek Amphitheatre (he's appearing as a 'Special Guest' for headliner John Mayer, oi vey...Mayer better prepared to 'bring it' onstage is all I can say compared to Ben). Additional tour dates can be obtained from his web site here.

His is a show not to be missed and he's a great guy offstage to his fans, too.

A "Carolina in My Mind" kind of day

Some days just suck, and that's the truth.

This was one of those days for me, unfortunately. Up before dawn, a 12 hour day at work, the phones constantly ringing and the people constantly complaining, the air conditioning stalling...the list could go on and on.

But after I finally left the desk behind, I walked outside tonight and saw the most beautiful sunset, complete with budding dogwoods and maples in the distance. It's a beautiful time to be here now, with Spring just bursting in its ripeness and pastel-laden and sun-kissed glory. Sometimes you just have to pause and marvel at the beauty of God's (or Whomever's) really great work. There are friends I've watched many a sunrise and sunset with over the years in all corners of the globe it seems...some friends who are here still, and some that have gone on...but it's been several weeks now since I just took the time and enjoyed the sheer majesty of another day coming to its end. A day, and a sunset, like no other and one I'll never get to duplicate. Sadly, it's rare when I can take the time to see these things, as my quitting time rarely coordinates itself with that of Mother Nature. Taking that time, though, somehow made the day really worthwhile, despite everything else that went on today. It humbles, yet amazes.

Then, on my way home, the following song came on my radio as I crossed a bridge...a bridge I cross every day, always in a hurry and late for somewhere...a bridge called The James Taylor Bridge (he's a native son and icon here), to be exact. Remarkably somehow, in the midst of all of my stress and worry, my troubles just didn't seem so important 'in the grand scheme of things' after all.

And I think that was the point. Enjoy.

(Video from YouTube, as usual. Lyrics from LyricsDomain.)
James Taylor singing "Carolina in My Mind"

---

"Carolina in My Mind"Lyrics and voice by James Taylor
In my mind I'm goin' to Carolina
Can't you see the sunshine
Can't you just feel the moonshine
Ain't it just like a friend of mine
It hit me from behind
Yes I'm gone to Carolina in my mind

Karen she's a silver sun
You best walk her way and watch it shinin'
Watch her watch the mornin' come
A silver tear appearing now
I'm cryin' ain't I
Gone to Carolina in my mind

There ain't no doubt it no ones mind
That loves the finest thing around
Whisper something soft and kind
And hey babe the sky's on fire,
I'm dyin' ain't I
Gone to Carolina in my mind

In my mind I'm goin' to Carolina
Can't you see the sunshine
Can't you just feel the moonshine
Ain't it just like a friend of mine
It hit me from behind
Yes I'm goin' to Carolina in my mind

Dark and silent late last night
I think I might have heard the highway calling
Geese in flight and dogs that bite
Signs that might be omens say I going, going
I'm gone to Carolina in my mind

With a holy host of others standing around me
Still I'm on the dark side of the moon
And it seems like it goes on like this forever
You must forgive me
If I'm up and gone to Carolina in my mind

In my mind I'm goin' to Carolina
Can't you see the sunshine
Can't you just feel the moonshine
Ain't it just like a friend of mine
It hit me from behind
Yes I'm gone to Carolina in my mind
Gone to Carolina in my mind
Then I'm on to Carolina in my mind
Gone to Carolina in my mind
Gone - I'm gone - I'm gone
Say nice things about me
'Cause I'm gone south
Carry on without me
'Cause I'm gone

Weary Body, Slow Return...and beware the quail

Okay, so I'm somewhat back. I'm not sure where I've come from exactly (the last 5-6 days has been a bit hazy to say the least), and I'm damn sure I don't know where I'll be at in the equally-long time period, but I can only hope that my insides loses whatever counteroffensive it has launched against the rest of me...and soon.

That said, I'm sure I am not alone when I can safely say that being sick...really, really sick, not the 'screw you, I'm not going to work today' kind of sick...you start thinking about things, and people, and places, and mistakes you normally wouldn't. Or at least I do. It just seems to go with the physicality of things...if I feel good to great, I tend to share that positive mindset of ideas, too. While in that 'feel good' frame of mind, I'm a regular Queen of Denial of any problems, worries, or inner doubts. However, when the body's acting up in all of its glory, it doesn't take long for my many frailities...both physical and otherwise...to come busting down the doors of the inner sanctum. The old 'woe is me' kind of drama that we're all guilty of feeling some of the time, but are all afraid of admitting to others for fear it would make us look weak. So each time I get sick I incumbate: phones silenced unless it's the emergency cell, lights off, curtains drawn, distractions unplugged, irritating noises eliminated. And I do this for two reasons: one, to really work on getting better and just relax, something I do not allow myself to do too often; and second, because I can be a real bitch to those who try and invade my little self-imposed peace and quiet.

For better or for worse, dear readers, the incubation period is closing now and your faithful blogger has returned, even if I am still at half-speed.

So, I'm gradually working back into the regular routine of things, and that includes posting here. I've started on a half dozen entries, and finally finished one that I started last week (see the most recent post below). I've also thrown myself into the full-on spring schedule, too, so some of the 'regular blogging schedule' is being reorganized. But at least I'm much, much better and thanks to those who sent me emails checking in. And one week's worth of drugs is now under my belt. I had my doubts when I still was feeling the effects from last week's horrific meal at The Rivieria even as late as Thursday, but the light at the end of the tunnel is now clearly seen. (WR actually was quite wise with his meal, and actually ended up not eating more than a few bites of his pesto shrimp. The bar was serviceable enough, but you can be certain that neither of us will go back there again and partake in any of the food. All in all, the St. Paddy's Eve meal has ended up as one of the most expensive meals I've ever been served. One week of complete and utter sickness is more than enough for me, thank you.)

The really good news is the appetite is ever so slowly coming back and the nightly fevers have abated. I just hate, absolutely hate, that the food made me so sick I could never enjoy any of my beloved Hercules Mulligan's St. Patrick's Day shows...especially the later one on Saturday afternoon. (Many, many thanks, though, go to the wonderful staff at The Hibernian in Cary whom several played nurse maids to me off and on in the ladies' bathroom.) And, of course, many thanks to the ever-consoling and watchful eye of the Wise Ricky.

And the moral to the story: never, ever, regardless of holiday or even in the spirit of trying something new or even because you find the meal's presentation 'cute' and 'comical', never eat a dish of somewhat profanely positioned quail:


The source of this week's agony...and then some...the vile 69 quail.
I hope everyone else has had a much more pleasant week.

Hopefully doesn't have scapel, hopefully won't travel

I'll be the first to admit that I tend to be a bit of a news junkie, and in feeding this addiction, I go online and catch up on the 'events' while I'm sequestered to my office (which used to be a closet and has no windows, a fact that only seems to stem the need for a 'fix' when I'm getting stir crazy). Like all of you, I suppose, I have some sources that I turn regularly to hit the high points of news and opinion for my 5 to 10 minute breaks. And, like I'm sure the rest of you have noticed, the major news outlets seem to be pulling more and more from local news...which can be both a good and a bad thing. The subject matter of this piece came to my attention in such a manner.

Fair warning: if you're a bit squeamish in regards to medical 'procedures' and the like, it may be best to skip today's contribution. I take no responsibility for any electronics equipment (or for anything else, for that matter) that may need to be cleaned, replaced, etc., as a result of reading the following.

First off, let me give you a brief background as to why the following news story got my attention in the first place. As regular readers here know, I have a strong medical background, having worked in a variety of jobs in the field off and on since I was a teenager. Those jobs have ranged from the mundane (file clerk) to the more exciting (to me, anyway) stints as an EMS personnel member to assistant to a Chief Medical Officer and County Coroner. I also have extensively studied Abnormal Psychology, both as a college major and also quite a bit independently on my own, including a memorable session (in my braver, albeit much stupider days) of interviewing 5 convicted rapists and pedophiles. So, whereas I still don't think medicine and/or psychology are necessarily 'the' lifelong fields for me, I am extremely attracted to both...in many ways, both fields are like adrenaline rushes I can never really walk away from, as I miss the 'surge' when I'm working in another field. And reading about these subjects can only get you so far, but I do 'seek out' stories that are 'off the beaten path' in these areas, I admit.

Well, last week The Drudge Report found one for me. And boy howdy did they.

The following story comes from the rather folksy city of Waynesville, a community set among the North Carolina mountains along a major interstate. It's the kind of place where people still slow down and help a stranger if somebody's broken down on the side of the road, or will at least call the cops to report a motorist in trouble. It's the kind of place full of diners featuring chicken fried steak dinners and freshly brewed sweet tea. It's the kind of place where mechanics will come help out a college student moving cross country and fix the clogged fuel injectors on her car cheap and not charge her a towing charge, which is what happened to me on my move from the Midwest to Chapel Hill in 1992. It's the kind of place where you can get invited to attend a local church dinner for free while you're on the Greyhound Bus Trip from Hell, which happened to me in 2003. There are Christies and Heathers and Thelmas and so many Juniors around you can't help but hit one if you threw a stick. And it's scenic, with arching pine trees set against a Smoky Mountains backdrop (and the equally memorable 'runaway truck' exit ramps for the 18-wheelers whose brakes have failed), and its theme song is something booming from a country music station. And it has always appeared to me as a friendly, but pretty conservative, kind of place. All that history also lured me to this story.

Ladies and gentlemen of stronger constitutions than most (or maybe just a stronger desire for the 'weird' news story than most), I give you the March 16 story from the Asheville (NC) Citizen Times (with occasional break for commentary, and the bolds are mine):

Castration ring’s key figures gain freedom
‘Master’ jailed for 2 more weeks; lover, slave let go

WAYNESVILLE — The six men castrated in a sadomasochistic dungeon fashioned from an enclosed carport all told prosecutors they saw no need for criminal charges.

Even a judge Thursday said calling the men victims might be a stretch, though what happened was certainly a crime.

“I think this is a type of perversion that cannot be tolerated by society,” Superior Court Judge Dennis Winner said in sentencing three men who performed the castrations.

Richard Peter “Master Rick” Sciara and his partner of 20 years, Michael Mendez, both pleaded guilty to felony castration without malice and felony maiming without malice. The man Sciara and Mendez called their slave, Danny Carroll Reeves, also pleaded guilty to the charges.

Prosecutors said the crimes happened in 2004 and 2005 at house in a quiet neighborhood near Waynesville. In a search of the Peace Mountain Road home, investigators said they found evidence including a scrotum and a testicle kept in a freezer.

Hang with me here, folks. And no, this is not about the next Jeffrey Dahmer running around the mountain populations of western North Carolina.

Plea deal trims charges

In exchange for the pleas, the state dropped charges of misdemeanor practicing medicine without a license and conspiracy.

Winner sentenced Sciara, 62, to a year in jail and three years’ probation. Sciara has been in jail for 350 days since his arrest last year. The judge said his time served while waiting for trial would apply to his sentence.

Sciara will be on six months’ electronic house arrest after his release on March 29.

Mendez, 61, got four months in jail but had already served six months so he was free to go. He is on house arrest for two months and has supervised probation for three years.

Reeves, 50, got eight months in prison, but he has also been in jail since his arrest so he was allowed to leave. Reeves got four months house arrest and three years’ probation.

All three will pay court costs and can’t perform surgery or have surgical equipment as terms of their probation.

As a person who has seen firsthand how easy it is for ordinary people to buy 'official' equipment (uniforms, badges, etc) for non-authorized use, I can't even begin to conceive how the court plans on preventing these guys from purchasing surgical equipment. If they were doing these 'procedures' in a converted carport and had the evidence tucked away in a freezer, I don't think we have to worry about them buying proper operation tables and such. Getting their hands on much more-easily obtained scalpels and such is a far greater worry. But I digress...

The only witness called to testify during the 2 1/2 hour hearing and sentencing was Sciara’s brother, Anthony Sciara, a well-known Asheville clinical psychologist who has testified in other criminal cases.

He was there as a family member, not an expert.

Brother testifies on past

Sciara’s lawyer, Roy Patton, called him to talk about his brother’s past, his personality and his time in Vietnam as a Navy medical corpsman.

Anthony Sciara said his brother was different from other boys growing up but never violent. He said Sciara, from his time in Vietnam to his career as a physician’s assistant at the Veterans Affairs hospital in Topeka, Kan., has always tried to help other people.

Sciara learned how to perform castrations at the VA hospital, according to court testimony.

Okay, pause. I have worked in a few medical institutions that deal or have dealt with veterans and VA Hospitals on a large scale. As everyone who has ever dealt with the VA Hospital system knows, their clinics and hospitals are woefully underfunded and unfortunately our veterans have to wait for sometimes lesser than ideal care. This was known well before any of the Walter Reed Hospital scandal recently broke, too. However, that said, I have never heard nor read about physician assistants performing castrations on veterans anywhere. And back in my old stomping grounds of Kansas, too? It's not like the state is known for its liberal, 'anything goes' mentality...Kansas is the state that's the standard bearer in the evolution vs creationism debate in its schools. In fact, of all of the veteran patients I have known/currently know...or any men for that matter...the choice of castration is less desireable than death. As many women know, you can't get most men to willingly undergo a vasectomy unless there's a 'family' issue involved. If the above testimony is indeed true, how in the hell this guy 'learned how to perform castrations' at the VA hospital in Kansas (and theoretically on consenting, alive patients, too), I would love to know. And some government oversight committee needs to look into this, pronto.

(Ed note 3/26/2007: Well, okay I had not heard about these kinds of things going on, but apparently I've been woefully 'misinformed'. I have been heartily corrected by a reader who tells me studies of physical vs chemical castration do occur at VA institutions, and pointed to some medical articles such as this one as proof. Therefore, Sciara most likely could have gotten training in just such a procedure while working for the VA Hospital in Topeka. I stand corrected and heartily thank the reader for the update.)

Anthony Sciara said he accepted his brother’s gay lifestyle and even encouraged him to move to Western North Carolina with Mendez when he retired from the VA in 1999.

Sadomasochism interests

But he said he was disgusted with his brother’s interest in sadomasochism and body-modification surgery and stopped speaking to him in 2002 because of it.

In his defense, Anthony Sciara said his brother performed the surgeries only to help others.

“His concept of himself is he is a helpful person,” Anthony Sciara said.

Assistant District Attorney Jim Moore said Sciara and his assistants performed the operations in the nude, and on one occasion, Sciara was drinking a beer and smoking while castrating a man.

His lawyer, Patton, disputed the claim that Sciara was drinking while performing surgery.

Subtle overtones that this was combination party and/or almost 'religious' experience to those involved, to some degree how some ancient cultures offered up sacrifices of their victims (or parts of their victims). And I'm so glad that the 'drinking while on the job' issue thing was disputed, I'm sure that gave the patient/victim a sense of real security. Yow.

Voluntary body modifications

He said at least two of the men who visited the home were interested in extreme body modification.

Okay, when I first read the term 'extreme body modification' here, I was thinking like all-over body tattoos, branding, maybe one of those people who want to look like a cat or a leopard. Apparently I've lived a more sheltered life than I realised. Read on...

They wanted Sciara to amputate their legs above the knees and had already each cut a finger off with garden shears to show their love for one another.

Sciara would not perform the amputation, he said.

Now, not having been in the courtroom and not having access to the transcript, I can only guess that this tidbit of information was offered up by the clinical psychologist brother as a way to show that the main defendant has some sort of 'ethical code' regarding the surgeries he does agree to perform. I guess, anyway. That the 'wannabe surgeon' will perform castrations and some extreme body modifications, but not all??? I honestly don't know which sounds nuttier to me: the former VA employee who performs castrations in a cement carport/dungeon while nude and has 'standards' or the couple that love (and they have a much different view on 'love' than I do, I grant) each other so much that they voluntarily want to be hobbled (and presumably confined to wheelchairs) forevermore. "Boxing Helena", anyone?

This also makes me wonder, as the amateur journalist from days long gone by, as to what did not make it into this story if this little snippet did. Lord knows, this article has no shortage of 'hookable' material. To include this part about the 'surgery that was refused'...with no grounding as to why this was important to the testimony at all, leading me to the guesstimating above...makes me wonder what kind of story was initially considered by reporter and editor. At the risk of sounding unduly macabre, I would love to read the official transcript of this case. If Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez's new movie, "Grindhouse" does any business at all (which it will, I suggest, because those two know 'how to give the people what they want'), you just know that this story could become the muse for their next installment. Continuing with the article...

The other men who had the procedures complained of testicular pain.

They included a computer programmer, a truck driver and an Army Reserve soldier, Patton said.

Some of the men had fake testicles called “nuteciles” implanted, and one had his penis removed entirely. Another man had the head of his penis cut off.

“(Sciara) felt like the medical system was not addressing the needs of this not-small group who had these needs, whether they were imagined or just emotional,” Patton said, likening the operations to abortions and breast enhancements.

The WR, although initially shocked by the details of this story when I first told him, was able to fill me on the 'nuteciles' background, or at least what we think they are approximating in this case. WR is a dog owner and also a dog expert given his current employment...we think it's similar to this for dogs, but just modified in some fashion for men. And speaking of men, I'm not even one but that last procedure made me wince and cower in sympathetic pain. One can only hope that all of these patients/victims were heavily anesthesized in some fashion, if not completely unconscious, when these 'procedures' were performed.

As far as the comparison to abortions (the surgical removal of a developing fetus...I do not get into that highly-charged issue here) and the breast implants (the surgical enhancement of breast tissue, some folks would argue to attract/appease the opposite sex and/or our 'breast obsessed' culture), all I can say is I don't think either holds water. Again, it could be the crowd that I hang out with (which includes straights, gays, bisexuals, 'wait until marriage' virgins, one-night stand champions, divorcees, what seems like an endless string of 'happily marrieds with children', a widower, two swinger couples, a transgender wannabe and probably a few other things in between I don't even know), but I've yet to meet up with someone who is willing to take such dangerous risks (especially infection) for the sake of making themselves feel better about their own bodies. Plenty of people hate certain elements of their body, sure, and for those men who change gender, obviously some sort of surgery is in order to complete the process totally. However, there's a huge difference between sexual reassignment surgery and castration. The fact that none of these patients/victims wanted to prosecute the 'wannabe surgeon' doesn't necessarily surprise me; if the patients/victims don't suffer significant emotional, physiological, and infection problems as a result of these 'procedures' frankly will.

The attorneys for the three asked the judge to consider Sciara’s medical experience and that the law doesn’t allow for consent as a defense to the crime.

They asked Winner to sentence the men in a range that would have meant credit for time served and a less restrictive probation.

No other criminal records

They brought up Sciara’s and Mendez’s military record. Mendez got a Bronze Star in Vietnam for carrying a wounded soldier to safety under fire.

None of the men had prior criminal records.

If the men had prior criminal histories and the state had been able to prove more aggravating factors in the case, they could have faced several years in prison.

Bill Leslie, Reeves’ lawyer, said his client was happy with the outcome.

“The judge did the right thing, and my client is walking out of jail today, so he’s happy,” Leslie said.

Patton said the men plan to start their life together again once Sciara is released. They will have to stay in North Carolina for now because of the probation.

I pass no judgments on the S&M elements or even necessarily the 'free will' elements of this case, but as a medical professional I worry that this kind of case and subsequent sentencing will only lead to 'copycats' and perhaps some with absolutely no medical training whatsoever. At least one of these men needs some psychological counseling and some kind of sentencing away from the public at large. The fact that the State had no victim willing to press charges doesn't exactly speak well for the state of mind of some of the patients/victims even now. And, as such, you just have to wonder, really wonder if not outright worry, if the probation given in this case (as limited as it was) doesn't work...I see no mention of mental counseling or hospitalization in the article...just where these three will show up next.

Reporting in from Porcelain Boulevard

I'll make this quick, as both an update to those who've been in contact with me since the weekend and with those who haven't...yes, I am temporarily out of commission right now. I have contracted an acute case of food poisoning (more on this later, I promise), a situation I thought was resolving itself early Saturday morning but then came roaring to its peak Saturday night and into yesterday. I'm still running a fever, no appetite, chills, you name it...and in a true state of managed health care in the US...I found out today the fastest acting (read: non-generic) drugs are not covered by my insurance drug plan. So now I'm sick and broke. And taking up temporary residence near the bathroom.

For those that I've been needing to call, contact, email, etc., I'm sorry but everything's been pushed back to getting well first. When I can (and hopefully that will be tomorrow), I'll try and catch up with you all. Yes, I have food but no, I'm not hungry. Nor am I answering the phone nor the door if I can possibly avoid it. I'm not being a selfish bitch intentionally, I just really, really feel like one right now. Hopefully you can understand.

And hopefully, within the next 24 hours or so, this too shall pass.

Nixon still presides...with little conscience, and apparently with fewer bounds

These last few days, there have been countless articles and opinion pieces about the abuses of the US government toward its very people, and specifically on the rampant abuses of The (infamous) Patriot Act...an Act that is, on paper at least, designed to protect innocent God-fearing, law-abiding Americans from their nefarious, religion-hating, anarchist enemies. Or something to that effect, anyway. The problem is that the enemy to many Americans may not be an outside force, but instead our government itself. Orwell's "1984" couldn't come up with some of these things, and that was a fairly frightening handbook of future days that are already here.

Some of the discoveries about The Patriot Act abuse includes:

demanding personal data on people without official authorization, including the blatant deception by investigators about an ongoing 'investigation' of individuals that was not in place (to get credit reports and the like);

all judicial and congressional oversight on newly appointed U.S. 'interim' attorneys was removed, (a handy thing to have if the DOJ and Administration is going to fire 'non loyal' attorneys);

egregious underreporting to Congress and other 'supervisory' panels about the number of national security letters (NSLs) being issued; and

requesting and then 'sequestering' (and still not destroying) personal information (from internet companies and banks, for example) through these letters...information that is not allowed to be obtained.

That may be the tip of the iceberg, too, folks. As usual, hearings are underway.

And all of this has been done, either by expressed consent, 'implied' consent (which is an 'all is forgiven, get out of jail' excuse if there ever lived one), and or by Dubya's signing statements (which apparently lets him apply, or more importantly ignore, whatever rules he wants to, when he wants to). These are the kind of loopholes that should make every thinking American wonder what the hell is really going on with our government. These are the actions that should make us all wonder what right...moral, political, financial, anything...we have to be interfering in the political affairs of other countries, when we clearly don't have a good handle of our own here. And these are just some of the abuses we know about...and this limited list should give us all long pause to reflect on what we have not learned yet, and be vigilant also to what can still be done.

This entire investigation...and the one that has streaked out and gotten a lot of attention, the fight over the handling of the 8 U.S. Attorneys that were fired last year...is both the reason why so many Americans have withdrawn from political involvement and why that involvement is more important to have than ever. Regardless of the 'hows' and the 'whys' facing the Attorneygate scandal-to-be, those attorneys almost always serve at the will of The President anyway and that's understood when they undertake that position. But it's the hows and the whys the laws were changed to allow such sweeping changes in the first place...that, dear readers, is the bigger issue we must grapple with all too soon. In a short enough period (although admittedly not short enough for me), Bush & Co will be hopefully exiled back to Texas or to Halliburton's new headquarters in Dubai. The mockery and abuse they've made of so many of our institutions and laws, though, will be here long after Number 43 is out of office. We can argue about how badly Bush's leadership has been for decades after he's gone, but it's vitally more important that we, as citizens and regardless of political leaning, take up the mantle and start figuring out What's Next. Waiting until the 2008 elections may do us more harm than good.

Every decision we refuse to make because we're overwhelmed or uninformed or disinterested is one more that can (and apparently, is to) be used against us. The Big Brother that Orwell taught us to both fear and recognize is all around us, every day, potentially viewing on every computer, listening in on every phone, tracking us on every purchase of beer and chips at the supermarket. It's bad enough under those conditions, as we all have, to some degree at least, surrendered some parts of our privacy in this technological age. But once that information has been given over, what next? From that point on, do we have any protections from the Corporate Big Brother, Governmental Big Brother, Banking Big Brother anymore?? Sadly, it's looking like that answer is becoming a no.

We all like to think nothing 'we' could never personally be tracked down and/or perhaps persecuted for what we do and believe innocently, that 'we' will never get in trouble. If the fired attorneys were tossed for not 'playing ball' with Dubya (heaven forbid, someone trying to be relatively fair and ethical with the law! who knew?), all the power to them in defending themselves...it could just as easily be one of us in their place instead. There is, we reason, a major difference between real life versus the conspiracy theory movies that Hollywood jettisons out to us every summer. But, unfortunately, if you remove the emotional and political mudslinging of the characters involved and just focus on what laws have been enacted...by both political sides...since, say about 1980, it's enough to floor you. Personal liberties, the right to privacy, hell even the presumption of innocence until proven guilty, are eroding at an alarming rate. As much as I detest what Bush and the Neocons (read: not Republicans per se, some of my best friends are Republicans) have done to this country, I can't blame the erosion of my rights at his door entirely. The people who are at blame are all of us who have voted or paid taxes or worked at building a better country, only to never stand up and paid attention when its values were being ravaged. The fact that Dubya's administration is the kind of leadership that Nixon would have loved isn't really Bush's doing...it's ours. You only get what you ask for, after all.

I'm starting to think this next election we don't need to elect a politician nor a war veteran for our President. And while an ambassador-type could only help us now, I'm also keenly aware that a lot of capitulations need to take place to other countries to 'make nice'...capitulations I'm sure the majority of us are not willing to really make from a public relations perspective. At some point, though, we as a country and superpower are going to have to admit we've really fucked up badly these past few years...it's not a matter of when, but instead a matter of how. And it will also be a matter of who, as in 'who' first. And I'm thinking it needs to start with my fellow citizens themselves...for chipping away at everything we hold dear about being American in the first place.

And that's going to take a bold, well-spoken, and thoughtful Centrist to do the job. It also needs to be somebody well-versed and appreciative of our heritage and history and our 'unalienable rights'. So that means also we need a Constitutionist. A Centrist Constitutionist as President...now I am entering Utopia World. But if anyone out there finds someone that might just fill the void, let me know. It's time to come full circle against unchecked political rule once again. For all of our sakes.

For thought: Jonathan Nolan's "Memento Mori"©

Sometimes when you're evaluating (and hopefully also losing) some long-painful mental and emotional baggage, you come across something that you've jotted down that 'calls' to you, hunts you down way deep in your soul, and resonates. Maybe it's for a different reason than what you first remember, but still you are haunted by its energy. And its tragedy. And especially its truth.

I came across a scribbled note I took when watching the film "Memento" years ago. I, for one, am one of those people who adore that movie, and while the appeal is largely due to some magnificent acting by Aussie Guy Pearce, it was the script and its premise that really hooked me. (Although I admit it took me about three watches to finally settle 'the debate' about how the story is told...rent it if you don't understand what I'm talking about here.) The script, that is, wowed me until I saw the following in the 'extras' part of the DVD...a version of the short story that inspired the film. And I was blown a bit away. Fatalistic, yet surviving. Delusional, yet organized. Unified, yet uncontrollable. In the end, it's a very tidy panic.

This thinking man's (and woman's) partial piece (full short story here) was written by the uber-talented Jonathan Nolan, who also wrote the film's script, too...and who garnered an Academy Award® nomination for Best Original Screenplay in the process.

"Memento Mori"©by Jonathan Nolan

Every week, everyday ---
The Angry Man hands the baton over to The Sulking Man,
And in turn to
The Sex Addict, The Introvert, The Conversationalist.
Every man is a mob, a chain gang of idiots.

Look to yourself for the answer.

Assassinated by a vegetable.

Time moves about you but never moves you.

Time is an absurdity. An abstraction.
The only thing that matters is this moment.
This moment a million times over.
You have to trust me.
If this moment is repeated enough,
If you keep trying ---
And you have to keep trying ---
Eventually you will come across
The next item on your list.

The only way out of this mess, of course,
Is to take steps to ensure that you control
The idiots that you become.
To take your chain gang, hand in hand, and lead them.
The best way to do this is with a list.

It's like a letter you write to yourself.
A master plan, drafted by the guy who
Can see the light, made with steps simple
Enough for the rest of the idiots to understand.

Follow steps one through one hundred.

Repeat as necessary.

UNC Kidney Kare 5K Run/Walk, March 24, McDougle Middle School, Carrboro

As a friendly reminder to all the new readers (and established friends and readers who got this memo via email last year), the UNC Kidney Center is holding its annual UNC Kidney Kare 5K Run/Walk again this year at McDougle Middle School in Carrboro. (A race brochure and application can be downloaded from the link above in PDF format.)

©UNC Kidney Center 2005-2007

The date's been moved up a bit from last year (still before the Easter holiday weekend, though): March 24th and the run/walk starts officially at 8:30am sharp (late registration can be done same day, but get there early in case of a line; online registration is also an option at the link above). For those of you who don't run (like me), do not be discouraged...at least half of those that participated last year were walkers as well and the course is not difficult. For those of you that do run, the course is easy and pleasant enough to do it twice if you want a super workout or more leisurely if you want to talk to those alongside you. The course not only is on the McDougle Middle School track, but also winds through some nice residential areas of Carrboro. A course map can be found here. Right now, it's becoming nothing short of gorgeous here weather-wise, but allergy sufferers should come prepared as the blooms should be budding/budded by then.

All proceeds from this event go to benefit the UNC Kidney Center's Kidney Education Outreach Program. They do a wonderful job in trying to meet the educational needs of an increasing number of people who are at risk for ESRD (end stage renal disease) through a variety of programs throughout the state. Kidney disease is a major health issue to many millions of Americans...and more are being diagnosed with CKD (chronic kidney disease) or ESRD everyday due to poor eating and exercise habits, diabetes, and obesity, among others. The National Kidney Foundation has a great site explaining why your kidneys...and kidney health...is so important. Through proper education and intervention, a lot of 'at risk' people can be spared developing ESRD in the first place and, as a consequence, perhaps also be spared from needing kidney dialysis and/or a kidney transplant.

As regular readers (and friends from my everyday life) know, this kind of program is very, very dear to my heart. No such educational program existed when my father had CKD, none existed when he want into ESRD, and none existed when he first started dialysis in the 1970s. My father was a very lucky and a very determined man...he survived more than two decades on dialysis, which was/is very rare...but had his illness been 'caught' when he was a college student or years later even as a young newlywed, he could have been spared all the pain and suffering he had to endure in those 20+ years. (If you're not familiar with dialysis, it's simply the removal of wastes from your kidneys artificially with a machine when your body cannot properly do it on its own. For patients on hemodialysis like my father was, that means having these treatments 2-3 times a week, for several hours each treatment...although there are different dialysis options other than hemodialysis. This dialysis routine must continue until either the kidney function is regained somehow, a successful kidney transplant takes place, or until the patient dies.) To say dialysis can forever alter the current and future lives of the patient, friends, and family is an extreme understatement: patients need regular dialysis simply to survive and everything...and I mean everything...runs secondary to that demand. Young, old, white, black, man, woman...it makes no difference. Dialysis can help extend and save a person's life, but it doesn't 'cure' renal failure. If people can only get educated and proactive about their risk factors and life styles early enough on, sometimes end stage renal disease and renal failure can be avoided.

In the short time I have been exposed to this disease, I have seen tremendous strides in not only the care and longevity of dialysis patients, but also in the prevention and education. Still (especially due to the increase of diabetes across the U.S.), the numbers of patients continue to rise. Early education and intervention are key. And education is exactly what the UNC Kidney Center (along with several other distinguished programs across the country and world) tries to provide. If you cannot attend the run/walk on March 24th, I strongly encourage you to make a donation to the UNC Kidney Center or to the American Kidney Fund (a kidney patient support fund).

Otherwise (or, hopefully, in addition to your donation), I'll see you there.

The Scooter Libby Mess...A Pardonable Guilt?

You know, you have to feel sorry for the poor 11 jurors who had to decide the Scooter Libby verdict, at least in some small measure. The problems with what they apparently were faced with...not believing a lot of the witnesses, noticing repeated inaccuracies that destroyed Libby's 'bad memory' claims, a potentially savory yet snarky lot of luminaries both seen and not...are not what an average 'peer' has to contend with. From what is coming out now through the press (The Huffington Post, in particular, has had an interesting exclusive series chronicling one juror's pathway to the verdict) it would seem that the jurors did the best that they felt they could, given what limited options provided to them. Several reports have these jurors as sympathetic to Mr Libby, and even go as far as to characterize him as The Administration's Fall Guy...and also wondering why he, and only he, was the only defendant.

In many ways, this jury duty would have been both the best and the worst of a legal dilemma. Best in the sense that the Libby trial was a high-profile case and certainly will come in somewhere (if only even as an asterisk) in the history of the Bush presidency. Best in the sense that it was a complex case that required the jurors to actively participate by taking notes and, when weighing the verdict, extensively hashing out the facts and timeline from said notes. (The HuffPo articles cited above have mentioned the notes being laid out for accuracy and argument by jurors until an 'acceptable' evaluation of the facts could be agreed upon.) I think I can speak for many when I say I could only hope, if the situation were reversed, that my jurors would be so conscientious in their deliberations with my future at stake. However, this duty would also be the worst, too: the relative anonymity a juror receives after completing their stint has been forever shattered by the media looking for a good thirty-second sound bite. Additionally, (and they were doomed with this result before the trial even began) the jurors from the Libby trial will always be accused of letting their own personal politics render the verdict...no matter which verdict eventually came about...and therefore subject to harsh criticism from the 'wronged' side.

I'm not sure if it's a bizarre radar that courts 'detect' in me that I have an interest in the law or not, but I seem to be one of those people who always get called up for jury duty every time (it seems, anyway) that I'm eligible. I guess I've been called to report about four times in my life, and actually served twice. Now I know a lot of people will immediately try to weasel out of participating...and I agree wholeheartedly that our system would get a much better group of jurors if the reimbursement was even remotely acceptable...but for me, that's never been an option. I don't particularly want to serve because of the loss in wages and time and a host of other reasons, but none of those excuse me from doing my service. I come from a long line of settlers and military folk (who immigrated here long before this nation was even born) who fought (and some lost their lives) giving me the right to vote and have a say in this government and legal system, my government and legal system. Not voting is really not an option, and neither is ducking service as a juror. Back in England, Ireland, and especially in my family's homelands of Scotland, many ancestors were never given the option to have a jury before their brutal sentencing (several of the Scots were executed by the Brits). For the Irish in me, that history is far more fresh, far more new...and again, yet another reason to take my citizenship and participation seriously. No matter if it was the personal injury case or the suit against an estate, I did what I did as best as I could...as best as I could possibly hope someone would do by me if the tables were turned. In a republic such as ours, I think that's all we can realistically hope for, and even that is probably lacking.

So I can sympathize with the Libby jurors, I think, even though their case was wildly different than anything I've participated in or hell even read about before. But, by most accounts anyway (I'm throwing out all of the extremists who have characterized the jury's decision a grandiose 'political payback' for whatever reason), they took their assigned job seriously and made the best decision they could from their deliberations. Somebody was going to go away unhappy with their decision. But, in the end, unless you're in that room and on that jury, the deliberations about what is 'truth' and what is 'false' (regardless of the case) can't be truly judged across a mass media forum. You listen to the testimony and instructions, you weigh the facts with your fellow jurors, you make your decision, you walk away from the jury box...knowing full well that you can't revise that decision later. It's amazing how few times in a life when that situation occurs --- we've become quite accustomed to being able to fix a problem if it's later discovered we screwed up --- not so much, if any, in the legal arena. I pray I never get called to be a juror in a capital murder/death penalty case for that reason alone.

It is a bit troubling, though, to see what looks to be a 'continuation' of deliberations and a 'what should have been' in the media. While I admit reading the post-verdict interviews with some of the jurors is a fascinating insight into how the whole workings of the Libby jury went down, I'm not so sure I'm in favour of what seems to be developing in the next step: the debate of what should happen to Mr Libby that was not given as an option: a guilty 'but he isn't the main one really guilty, so let's be easy on him' verdict. Last night, Chris Matthews from MSNBC's Hardball TV show had one of the jurors, Ann Redington, as a guest and she's wanting Mr Libby to be given a pardon by President Bush. Again, I wasn't in the jury room so I won't even pretend to know all the background that supports Ms. Redington's beliefs here. She seems quite competent, quite sympathetic to both Mr Libby and to that of the law. She, and many other of her fellow jurors, seem to believe that Mr Libby stood alone when he should have surrounded by 2, 3 or even several more defendants. If the case had too few defendants or wasn't 'wide' enough in scope, perhaps these concerns and some new attention should be directed to Special Counsel Patrick J. Fitzgerald and his now 'inactive' investigation. But to make a verdict and then to say essentially 'we really didn't mean it' because Libby was a 'nice guy', or 'caught up in a bad situation', or 'a fall guy' and then advocate for leniency (if not outright absolution) is a bit much for me for take. Go to any county court: there are plenty of nice people who became 'fall guys' unwittingly because they got mixed up with the wrong people, and then they do something illegal and become guilty of a crime in the process. And they're going to jail...much like Mr Libby should do for his guilty actions. If he wasn't guilty 'guilty', perhaps the verdict should not have come down as it did, but it has. I have yet to experience nor read about a legal case that was totally black and white, good and bad, cut and dried so some sort of outside variable couldn't be thrown in at the end. We live in a 'shades of grey' world with only black and white options to choose from sometimes; it may not be perfect (by any means), but I haven't seen anything better yet.

I also dislike what I see happening post verdict as it 'softens' the integrity, if you will, of the jury process itself. A jury's verdict is only as strong as its ruling (and eventual sentencing by the presiding judge). If someone is found guilty, a guilty punishment of some kind equal to the crime is expected (and no, I'm not starting in on the pros/cons of the death penalty). If someone is found innocent, a 'removal of suspicion' against that accused person is expected. (In theory, anyways...I would never approach O.J. Simpson regardless of his 'innocence', which I do not, and have never, believed.) When a guilty verdict is sugar-coated because the jurors really like a particular defendant, it only gives rise to even more manipulation in the courtroom in future cases, as every defense attorney will profile and prep a client to be the 'perfect' appeal to jurors (even more than they do now). But what about those that aren't as beautiful, prosperous, well coached, personable, or well connected? A ever-leaning trend toward favourable verdicts for those that are can only hurt those who are not. I realize I may be a Citizen of Utopia World, but we all continue to lose if verdicts are made and then amended later because of factors having nothing to do with the actual law...because someday, one of us 'regular folk' (read: not the well-positioned Scooter Libbys of the world) will get burned by this troubling precedent.

Sadly for him, Mr Libby broke the law. Appropriately for him, he should do his sentence (as it will come down hopefully later this year) for his illegal activities. I'm not advocating for anything more as a punishment than what he would normally be due, but a pardon is not acceptable, either. To pardon Mr Libby is to continue the legal quagmire this country is stuck in with the current Administration...and it also leads to a very dangerous standard of allowing future Presidents to do things illegally, find a 'fall guy' willing to take the heat, and then everybody get away scott free on a Presidential pardon. And then we've become the tyrants we fought against when we established our independence over 225 years ago.

If we're going to talk about how the decision of this jury 'reflects America' (as pundits from both sides of the political aisle have claimed), let's make sure it does reflect America...and there are thousands of nice, 'fall guy' types who committed crimes and are sitting in jail as a result, men and women we'll never know the names of. Thousands of men and women who will never ever be considered for a pardon, anywhere, anytime, by anybody. Thousands of men and women who could never afford Libby's high dollar legal representation, let alone afford it still for possibly another year of appeals. Thousands of men and women are in jail for crimes they did commit and are taking responsibility for. And, for many, their crimes are far less consequential than Mr Libby's in his lying about a war that has sent many brave military personnel to their untimely...and needless...deaths.

A simple word of thanks...

To those who know me personally and knew how difficult this past week has been and why, I just wanted to say a big 'thank you'. Some days have been better than others to be certain...and even when they were 'down' days, I tried to put a happy face on it and trudge through, often with mixed success at best. But even I have to admit it's always damn nice to come back home and read some encouraging emails from friends who care. Love and blessings to you all.

To those who don't so know me so well and don't understand my personal journey, all I can say is please forgive me for the tardiness and sporadic nature in my posting here as of late. I've been battling the rapids, see, but at long last I'm starting to view the calmer shoreline once again. I'm a bit worse for wear, but I'm still afloat and I think I've maybe even recaptured a favourable wind.

Time will tell, of course, but the time I took to pull away and reflect these last few days has done me a lot of good.

Hercules Mulligan's Irish Boat Tour, St. Paddy's Celebration at The Riviera

Well, that's what I would call the new listing of Hercules Mulligan events, but I'm just a fan (excluding immediate family, one of the original non-blood-related fans) and fellow beer drinker. The 'boat' reference comes from the band's love for Irish boat-themed songs...and I'm actively searching for more Irish, Scottish, and Celtic songs to add to the 'fans suggestions list'.

The Hercules Mulligan mascot, with standard issue Guinness in hand.
I have no idea if the fellas even have a 'tour name' yet (you gotta think big, if nothing else), but they are getting some more regular bookings around here. Thank Heavens other people have gotten clued in onto their talent. Today, regular gigs. Soon, weekly gigs that pay good money (well, as good as this area will support anyways.) Soon after that, weekly gigs that pay good money and gets them even more recognition. One step at a time, one step at a time. In the buildup to superstardom, though, they seem to take well to chicken strips, Guinness as mentioned above, whiskey shots, and tips in the tip jar. Much to my chagrin, though, they Chris King (lead singer) isn't too keen on my Irish fave, "Molly Malone". Still I love seeing them play, as they do a good job and seem to be enjoying themselves, too. By popular request, I finally got a decent picture taken of them 'in the act' the other night and have it included it here.

(Hercules Mulligan, left to right) Chris Mankoff (vocal, fiddle, mandolin, spiritual advisor); Zack Mondry (upright bass, mandolin, underpaid sound guy); Chris King (lead vocal, whistle, bodhran, fearless leader & comedian extraordinaire); and David Cauthorn (guitar, part-time underpaid sound guy). (Descriptions taken from their MySpace profile...I would have included more colourful adjectives.)
Additionally, the fellas have taken the plunge and joined MySpace. I understand from Dave (guitar) that he's updated the site with all the future gigs, but they do have a 'rotating' schedule now at The Hibernian Pub & Restaurant in Cary. The next Herc gig is at The Cary Hibernian on March 14th and starts at 8pm.

The WR and I got a chance to take them in this past Wednesday at The Hibernian (which has really great fries and burgers, as long as you tell them to hold the salt). It was one of those nights that hint at an oncoming spring and summer, where some warm southerly breezes drifted in and one had a burning desire to fire up a grill somewhere. Or go to Goodberry's next door and load up on a chocolate concrete with black cherry topping, all served up in a waffle cone. (C'mon, summer.)

It was a good night...a bit more subdued and laid back than expected perhaps...but we're all storing up energy for the big St. Patty's Day weekend. (Oh, if the State Parks people would let us temporarily dye Jordan Lake or something for the day.) This year's big St. Patty's blowout will *not* be at King's Barcade (which will soon be demolished to make way for yet another parking lot of concrete and asphalt...not progress), but instead will be at The Riviera Restaurant and Lounge, located on Wilmington Street in Raleigh, on the 16th. There's a $5 (USD) cover charge for the gala, which is more than fair. Pat, the celebratory ringleader, says it's okay to post this info for all local readers...he believes that no one's a stranger on St. Paddy's, but instead 'just drunks we haven't met yet'. Tentatively, the start time is scheduled for 9pm, but get there earlier for food and to mingle. (And judging by the size of the mailing list, we may need something larger than the Riviera to hold us all.) Pat does recommend parking at the Alexander Square parking deck. The Hercs, God Bless 'em, headline this singalong fiesta on the 16th...to only then turn around and do 3 more gigs around town the next day.

Two of the bluegrass die-hard devotees in Herc (namely Zack, who plays upright bass *not* cello, and Dave) also do the local Bluegrass Jams, too. (And Lord only knows how much else, as they seem to always be playing somewhere...a sure sign of the love they have for the music.) These are the same jams that were recently moved from Hideaway BBQ (and in my opinion, was a bad decision on Hideaway's part) to Helios Coffee on Glenwood Avenue in downtown Raleigh. Their next Bluegrass Jam, by the way, is this Tuesday, March 6, downtown at Helios from 7-10pm. It's an open jam, by the way, folks, and local musicians and singers are encouraged to come participate. Helios has fabulous acoustics, too, and a pretty good wine selection. Parking is handily next door (rare for that area of town).

So come, have a beer, sing a song, heckle Chris King a bit, meet new friends, and just enjoy yourself. Support the fellas and the live music scene!