With much love to the memory of The True Boston Celtic, Coach Red Auerbach

Red Auerbach montage clip video of his early years with the Boston Celtics as Head Coach, courtesy of YouTube

A very short post today, but one very much worth the effort.

NBA pioneer, coach, and administrator of the Boston Celtics, the mighty and powerful Red Auerbach, died at the age of 89 this past Saturday (October 28). It's a sad time for those like myself who adored the Celtics (especially the 1980's powerhouse teams that featured Larry Bird, Kevin McHale, Robert Parrish, Dennis Johnson, and Danny Ainge), a sad time for the NBA and basketball fans everywhere, and, perhaps most poignantly, a sad time for professional sports as we know it now. With Coach Auerbach's passing essentially goes the 'team-first' concept that drove the Celtics (and their many competitors) to a higher degree of play and sportsmanship...a concept that made players search for something higher than just a massive payday or endorsement contracts. Love them or hate them, the Celtics and Auerbach in his many professional titles with their organization made professional basketball not only a national pasttime, but also a national obsession. I will quite openly admit I was more than addicted...even making and wearing my own homemade Kevin McHale jersey/t-shirt the entire season at night time during my senior year of high school.

Red's many values of what the game should be, though, I fear have also passed with him. While I loved watching the game up until Legend Larry Bird and Courageous Kevin McHale retired (in 1992 and 1993, respectively), I have not been able to stomach what it's become for so many years now with the bloated salaries, off-court dramatics, and excessive showboating. The game that the dear Coach taught me to love, scream myself silly for, lose sleep over even...I simply don't recognize anymore. Like the glorious Celtic matchups of years gone by, I wonder if I'll ever come back to the game with even a small iota of the same passion. Instead, like the fading embers of Red's famous 'winning cigars', my enthusiasm and love have trailed off into a thing of memory.

NPR has compiled a lovely snapshot of Auerbach's legacy and contributions, but also a brief glimpse into what made him such a lively character, such a revered personality by fans of all ages, from all walks of life. Those unfamiliar with The Coach should start first at the link above with yesterday's interview with former Celtic great Tommy Heinsohn, the one entitled "The Coach That Made the Celtics Unstoppable". Those of you, who like me, loved watching Red light up his signature cigar and always dreamed of meeting him someday to say 'thanks', should most certainly check out the interview and excerpt from NPR anchor Steve Inskeep reprinted at the bottom of the link above: it's titled "Red Auerbach: True Stories and NBA Legends". The Inskeep piece is really insightful to all the die-hards like me, a friendly exposure to the man always known about privately, but rarely ever really revealed. When I read things like this and listen to the memorials being done on ESPN® and elsewhere, all I can do is smile. Red had a great, full life...and impacted many people for the better throughout all of his years.

Rest in peace, Coach. You were, and always will be, "The True Boston Celtic" in my eyes.

Hey, neighbours, can you spare a vote??

Okay, folks here in the States, we are coming down the home stretch...that is, if you're one of the 30% or so of those who still vote. In about 10 days from now (November 7, mark your calendars), we theoretically get a say about what we feel about a good majority of our political representatives. True, nothing short of an impeachment (which would only further divide our country, although I would argue there's certainly reason to investigate the whole administration) will remove George W. from office, but the upcoming election does give all registered voters a voice to weigh in on Iraq, domestic terrorism, the economy, illegal immigration, and a host of other issues. As a native citizen of this country and the proud descendant of Scottish, Irish, and Dutch immigrants and also Cherokee Native Americans, the family tree is littered with those who gave their lives to the beliefs and protections of this country and the dream it can be. Not voting...even as some sort of political protest...is absolutely not an option for me personally. I can only passionately urge the registered American voters of this blog to go out and vote yourselves, even if your vote 'cancels out' mine. Remember the line from The Pledge of Allegiance about "and to the Republic for which it stands..."? Well, voting and participating in that Republic is what that entire Pledge was talking about.

I know I tend to have a flair for the dramatic, but I truly do believe this election is pivotal...if for no other reason to evaluate where we are as a unified (or not) nation. I was raised the daughter of an Nixon Republican (Dad) and a FDR, Kennedy, and Clinton Democrat (Mama)...now I'm so disillusioned with both parties, I just try and vote for the person I think best for the job...what a concept in this day and age, but straight-ticket voting is simply not an option for me anymore. It will take more time perhaps in research, but it's my money and my future...and I think it's worth it overall. We are a nation so painfully divided, but standing off in separate political corners throwing knives and arrows at the others has so clearly not worked...let's take down the rhetoric a few notches, roll up our sleeves, and get down to the promise of 'nationbuilding'...our own, this time...again. That uneasiness we're feeling??...it's the stagnancy of not moving forward on anything anymore.

One of the issues I've been looking at with intense scrutiny this season (and Lord knows there are so many of them, truly, as I believe we're in one of the most divisive and perilous times this country has ever faced) is the money one: the whopping, totally out of control, and seemingly unchecked deficit. It is with increasing alarm that I keep hearing from Dubya et al that 'billions' (remember when 'millions' was a large number?) of US tax dollars are being used for this program, that program, and oh yeah, that program over there, too. I know we are a country of 300 million documented legals and 12-20 million undocumented illegals now, but I'm not hearing anyone (even on the local level) start talking the hard truth about who's going to pay all the bills when they come due (whether these programs are successful are not, there will always be bills to be paid). And I'm concerned that even now we may be too late without serious consequences.

I know the promise of my generation doing better than their parents (an American standard of financial prosperity and social accomplishment) is almost obsolete as we continue to slide backwards, but it's even more worrying knowing that my Social Security deductions will not be enough to support my dear Mama, recently turned 65 and now eligible for benefits: once the other baby boomers start retiring, I will need to support approximately three of them as it stands currently, for about an average of 22 years. Instead, my monies are dwindling and are being raided for other out of control entitlement programs. And, at the end, the Social Security, Medicare (health care for disabled and retirees), and Medicaid (health care for the indigent and children) programs, that we all agree are failing on a massive scale, will not be around for me in my later years should I need them...as it stands now. But, yet, because of promises made generations ago, we will (and I morally argue must) honour at least some of those obligations. The Social Security and Medicare systems will never be in place for me, though, without a massive overhaul. I have come to the conclusion that if it's my money being used, I think it's time I was able to hear the truth about this mess...a truth that no one wants to speak about whatsoever politically. If the deficit was a grieving/loss emotion, we'd quite forcefully be in the stage of denial. A stage that apparently no one in power here wants to move on, improve upon, and heal from. Except one brave soul whose job is politically protected...one David M. Walker of the GAO.

The following news article is some disturbing news for those of us who are wondering where the hell the money for Iraq, terrorism, Social Security, immigration reform, and countless other programs will be/is currently coming from. 'Monkey see, monkey do' could easily be the national financial slogan now. We (myself included, as well-documented on this blog) are doing too much of the spend, spend, spend routine ourselves, not only personally, but nationally as well...putting off the bankers until 'tomorrow'. (Actually, the fact that this is coming to a head during the campaign on 'Tara' and we're widely exhibiting Scarlett O'Hara's philosophies...suddenly gives the current political mindset more resonance. The fact that someone wants Oprah...Oprah...to sell the severity of this issue to the American public speaks volumes, too.) Ohh, boy, kids...the situation actually appears worse than I first thought.

(Editor's note: As you know, I try to provide full links to all of the articles and items I post here. This is, after all, standard net etiquette procedure. However, I am making an exception this time, as there seems to be a problem with anything I've posted from "My Way" news outlet. Apparently, the link becomes inactive relatively quickly, causing any unsuspecting readers to click the link and then get a message saying the article is no longer available...and then also be unable to call it up through an archives search, too. That in mind, I'm posting the article in full here and then will also link to the actual site address at its conclusion below. Hope this helps.)

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GAO Chief Warns Economic Disaster Looms

Oct 28, 12:32 PM (ET)

By MATT CRENSON

AUSTIN, Texas (AP) - David M. Walker sure talks like he's running for office. "This is about the future of our country, our kids and grandkids," the comptroller general of the United States warns a packed hall at Austin's historic Driskill Hotel. "We the people have to rise up to make sure things get changed."

But Walker doesn't want, or need, your vote this November. He already has a job as head of the Government Accountability Office, an investigative arm of Congress that audits and evaluates the performance of the federal government.

Basically, that makes Walker the nation's accountant-in-chief. And the accountant-in-chief's professional opinion is that the American public needs to tell Washington it's time to steer the nation off the path to financial ruin.

From the hustings and the airwaves this campaign season, America's political class can be heard debating Capitol Hill sex scandals, the wisdom of the war in Iraq and which party is tougher on terror. Democrats and Republicans talk of cutting taxes to make life easier for the American people.

What they don't talk about is a dirty little secret everyone in Washington knows, or at least should. The vast majority of economists and budget analysts agree: The ship of state is on a disastrous course, and will founder on the reefs of economic disaster if nothing is done to correct it.

There's a good reason politicians don't like to talk about the nation's long-term fiscal prospects. The subject is short on political theatrics and long on complicated economics, scary graphs and very big numbers. It reveals serious problems and offers no easy solutions. Anybody who wanted to deal with it seriously would have to talk about raising taxes and cutting benefits, nasty nostrums that might doom any candidate who prescribed them.

"There's no sexiness to it," laments Leita Hart-Fanta, an accountant who has just heard Walker's pitch. She suggests recruiting a trusted celebrity - maybe Oprah - to sell fiscal responsibility to the American people.

Walker doesn't want to make balancing the federal government's books sexy - he just wants to make it politically palatable. He has committed to touring the nation through the 2008 elections, talking to anybody who will listen about the fiscal black hole Washington has dug itself, the "demographic tsunami" that will come when the baby boom generation begins retiring and the recklessness of borrowing money from foreign lenders to pay for the operation of the U.S. government.

"He can speak forthrightly and independently because his job is not in jeopardy if he tells the truth," said Isabel V. Sawhill, a senior fellow in economic studies at the Brookings Institution.

Walker can talk in public about the nation's impending fiscal crisis because he has one of the most secure jobs in Washington. As comptroller general of the United States - basically, the government's chief accountant - he is serving a 15-year term that runs through 2013.

This year Walker has spoken to the Union League Club of Chicago and the Rotary Club of Atlanta, the Sons of the American Revolution and the World Future Society. But the backbone of his campaign has been the Fiscal Wake-up Tour, a traveling roadshow of economists and budget analysts who share Walker's concern for the nation's budgetary future.

"You can't solve a problem until the majority of the people believe you have a problem that needs to be solved," Walker says.

Polls suggest that Americans have only a vague sense of their government's long-term fiscal prospects. When pollsters ask Americans to name the most important problem facing America today - as a CBS News/New York Times poll of 1,131 Americans did in September - issues such as the war in Iraq, terrorism, jobs and the economy are most frequently mentioned. The deficit doesn't even crack the top 10.

Yet on the rare occasions that pollsters ask directly about the deficit, at least some people appear to recognize it as a problem. In a survey of 807 Americans last year by the Pew Center for the People and the Press, 42 percent of respondents said reducing the deficit should be a top priority; another 38 percent said it was important but a lower priority.

So the majority of the public appears to agree with Walker that the deficit is a serious problem, but only when they're made to think about it. Walker's challenge is to get people not just to think about it, but to pressure politicians to make the hard choices that are needed to keep the situation from spiraling out of control.

To show that the looming fiscal crisis is not a partisan issue, he brings along economists and budget analysts from across the political spectrum. In Austin, he's accompanied by Diane Lim Rogers, a liberal economist from the Brookings Institution, and Alison Acosta Fraser, director of the Roe Institute for Economic Policy Studies at the Heritage Foundation, a conservative think tank.

"We all agree on what the choices are and what the numbers are," Fraser says.

Their basic message is this: If the United States government conducts business as usual over the next few decades, a national debt that is already $8.5 trillion could reach $46 trillion or more, adjusted for inflation. That's almost as much as the total net worth of every person in America - Bill Gates, Warren Buffett and those Google guys included.

A hole that big could paralyze the U.S. economy; according to some projections, just the interest payments on a debt that big would be as much as all the taxes the government collects today.

And every year that nothing is done about it, Walker says, the problem grows by $2 trillion to $3 trillion.

People who remember Ross Perot's rants in the 1992 presidential election may think of the federal debt as a problem of the past. But it never really went away after Perot made it an issue, it only took a breather. The federal government actually produced a surplus for a few years during the 1990s, thanks to a booming economy and fiscal restraint imposed by laws that were passed early in the decade. And though the federal debt has grown in dollar terms since 2001, it hasn't grown dramatically relative to the size of the economy.

But that's about to change, thanks to the country's three big entitlement programs - Social Security, Medicaid and especially Medicare. Medicaid and Medicare have grown progressively more expensive as the cost of health care has dramatically outpaced inflation over the past 30 years, a trend that is expected to continue for at least another decade or two.

And with the first baby boomers becoming eligible for Social Security in 2008 and for Medicare in 2011, the expenses of those two programs are about to increase dramatically due to demographic pressures. People are also living longer, which makes any program that provides benefits to retirees more expensive.

Medicare already costs four times as much as it did in 1970, measured as a percentage of the nation's gross domestic product. It currently comprises 13 percent of federal spending; by 2030, the Congressional Budget Office projects it will consume nearly a quarter of the budget.

Economists Jagadeesh Gokhale of the American Enterprise Institute and Kent Smetters of the University of Pennsylvania have an even scarier way of looking at Medicare. Their method calculates the program's long-term fiscal shortfall - the annual difference between its dedicated revenues and costs - over time.

By 2030 they calculate Medicare will be about $5 trillion in the hole, measured in 2004 dollars. By 2080, the fiscal imbalance will have risen to $25 trillion. And when you project the gap out to an infinite time horizon, it reaches $60 trillion.

Medicare so dominates the nation's fiscal future that some economists believe health care reform, rather than budget measures, is the best way to attack the problem.

"Obviously health care is a mess," says Dean Baker, a liberal economist at the Center for Economic and Policy Research, a Washington think tank. "No one's been willing to touch it, but that's what I see as front and center."

Social Security is a much less serious problem. The program currently pays for itself with a 12.4 percent payroll tax, and even produces a surplus that the government raids every year to pay other bills. But Social Security will begin to run deficits during the next century, and ultimately would need an infusion of $8 trillion if the government planned to keep its promises to every beneficiary.

Calculations by Boston University economist Lawrence Kotlikoff indicate that closing those gaps - $8 trillion for Social Security, many times that for Medicare - and paying off the existing deficit would require either an immediate doubling of personal and corporate income taxes, a two-thirds cut in Social Security and Medicare benefits, or some combination of the two.

Why is America so fiscally unprepared for the next century? Like many of its citizens, the United States has spent the last few years racking up debt instead of saving for the future. Foreign lenders - primarily the central banks of China, Japan and other big U.S. trading partners - have been eager to lend the government money at low interest rates, making the current $8.5-trillion deficit about as painful as a big balance on a zero-percent credit card.

In her part of the fiscal wake-up tour presentation, Rogers tries to explain why that's a bad thing. For one thing, even when rates are low a bigger deficit means a greater portion of each tax dollar goes to interest payments rather than useful programs. And because foreigners now hold so much of the federal government's debt, those interest payments increasingly go overseas rather than to U.S. investors.

More serious is the possibility that foreign lenders might lose their enthusiasm for lending money to the United States. Because treasury bills are sold at auction, that would mean paying higher interest rates in the future. And it wouldn't just be the government's problem. All interest rates would rise, making mortgages, car payments and student loans costlier, too.

A modest rise in interest rates wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing, Rogers said. America's consumers have as much of a borrowing problem as their government does, so higher rates could moderate overconsumption and encourage consumer saving. But a big jump in interest rates could cause economic catastrophe. Some economists even predict the government would resort to printing money to pay off its debt, a risky strategy that could lead to runaway inflation.

Macroeconomic meltdown is probably preventable, says Anjan Thakor, a professor of finance at Washington University in St. Louis. But to keep it at bay, he said, the government is essentially going to have to renegotiate some of the promises it has made to its citizens, probably by some combination of tax increases and benefit cuts.

But there's no way to avoid what Rogers considers the worst result of racking up a big deficit - the outrage of making our children and grandchildren repay the debts of their elders.

"It's an unfair burden for future generations," she says.

You'd think young people would be riled up over this issue, since they're the ones who will foot the bill when they're out in the working world. But students take more interest in issues like the Iraq war and gay marriage than the federal government's finances, says Emma Vernon, a member of the University of Texas Young Democrats.

"It's not something that can fire people up," she says.

The current political climate doesn't help. Washington tends to keep its fiscal house in better order when one party controls Congress and the other is in the White House, says Sawhill.

"It's kind of a paradoxical result. Your commonsense logic would tell you if one party is in control of everything they should be able to take action," Sawhill says.

But the last six years of Republican rule have produced tax cuts, record spending increases and a Medicare prescription drug plan that has been widely criticized as fiscally unsound. When President Clinton faced a Republican Congress during the 1990s, spending limits and other legislative tools helped produce a surplus.

So maybe a solution is at hand.

"We're likely to have at least partially divided government again," Sawhill said, referring to predictions that the Democrats will capture the House, and possibly the Senate, in next month's elections.

But Walker isn't optimistic that the government will be able to tackle its fiscal challenges so soon.

"Realistically what we hope to accomplish through the fiscal wake-up tour is ensure that any serious candidate for the presidency in 2008 will be forced to deal with the issue," he says. "The best we're going to get in the next couple of years is to slow the bleeding."

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Link as of this posting: http://apnews.myway.com/article/20061028/D8L1OC5G0.html

"Discovery Atlas: Australia"...and Keeping Dreams Alive

So, all week long, I had told myself I wasn't going to do it. I had vowed repeatedly I would skip watching the "Discovery Atlas: Australia" program tonight, not so much because I thought I knew all about it already, but frankly because I was concerned it would make me depressed again about the whole work/immigration visa (or lack thereof) situation.

Unfortunately, curiousity won out.

I have to admit, though, it was quite informative in many ways, especially in regards to Aboriginal culture...a culture I have had very limited contact with on any of my now nine trips to the Lucky Country. As one would expect, the cinematography was phenonmenal and the narrative (done by actor Russell Crowe, as happy and solid as any non-Aussie born citizen can be, providing he's actually taken the oath by now...no matter, he did a very good job still the same) was understated, yet confident and colourful...much in keeping with the Aussies themselves. Surprisingly, the 2 hours didn't feature much on what Americans and most Westerners know about Oz and then 'fill in the edges'; instead, it broke the segments down into less populated (if not completely remote) areas of the country and dabbled very little into the city life and suburbia. It's an interesting tack, although I think focusing some on either Melbourne's or Sydney's creation from humble beginnings would have rounded out the focus a bit more...especially as most tourists will find themselves in either one or both at some point of their travels. Yet, an excellent evening spent still the same, even though I harbour love of the subject matter and its inhabitants.

There's a hardiness there in the people...cityfolk or Bush dwellers alike...that is simply not seen anymore in this country and perhaps was altogether missing from others. But the Discovery show is not about teaching you what you already (should) know, it's about showing you what so many people miss, and for that alone, the show succeeded. It's playing again tonight (Sunday 22 October) as a repeat, and will play again sometime this week, so please check it out if you missed tonight's viewing. (I cannot find another specific time off the Discovery TV channel site, but it was mentioned during the program. I do, however, recommend their add-on site as a primer.) As with all of their programs, it was well-edited and professional.

The show comes on the heels of some hopefully positive news on the visa front. A friend, whose passion for Oz rivals only my own, has found a previously-unresearched visa option that may be applicable to the two of us. And ever since she mentioned it to me this week, I have thought of hardly else. Perhaps the show tonight renews my inspiration, perhaps it encourages dreams I should give up on...who knows, but only time will tell. In fact, I sat there watching the Discovery show tonight with one eye, all the while scouring the net for as much information as I can find about this visa option with the other. It's been a tough couple of months since I was initially counseled that I may never make it to Oz for anything other than as a visitor, but there's a part of me that tells me to keep on trying still the same. This visa, if it came to fruition, most likely will mean I will never permanently move there, but it would allow me a stay of some time period...giving me a chance. And a chance is all I want.

As a many of you know, I had previously pretty much written off almost all attempts to go to Oz as visa worker and perhaps even move there permanently. However, some dreams refuse to die and I've been known to hang onto mine with more tenacity than most anyway. (If anyone reading this wants to move to Oz and work there, I cannot stress enough how important it is to go as a student when in high school or college and certainly try well before the age of 30. If I had known 30+ years would mean so much about a chance to move there, I would have went a full five years before I actually did for the first time...somehow. Do not wait until you get older...Oz wants you when you are young, single, and healthy.) The cursed obstacles come from their vile 'points test' required of skilled worker wannabes and the fact that, God forbid, work cultures between our two fine countries are not as alike as they may first appear. The 'points test' assesses your skills on language, age, education, job history, and skills shortages in Oz. And here's the kicker...my friend (also in administrative/secretarial fields) has a Masters degree, and I have a Bachelor's and 2 Associates degrees, both of us with work experience, excellent language skills, single, recommended for good character, ad nauseum...and the best we can hope for is to be 'on the bubble' in regards to the points. I did the math the other day and found I'd actually have more of a chance if my education was limited, if I were a refugee...and with poor language skills.
In the USA, employees are encouraged to learn as many skills as possible and change careers as need be...either for their own personal development or as a result of our ever-changing workforce. Jobs and careers that were 'the future' when I graduated 18 years ago from high school no longer are in demand, but have also been completely blown off the occupational map. Some dear friends who read this regularly know how varied that journey has been for me: I've been a movie theatre manager, EMS personnel, catering and restaurant worker, radio host, part-time columnist, travel professional, and (mostly) health care administrative professional. Not to mention off-hours self-taught computer geek, carpenter and musician. All of these experiences have been a godsend at times, insuring me a job that I could adapt into as others were let go or outsourced. Well, as I am in finding out firsthand, having a variety of job skills and even job titles can be the Achilles heel to Oz work visa applications. To sum up, job variety is good...to a point, but consistency with one employer for more than 5 years is golden. And job titles and qualifications are good, too...as long as they are Australian equivalents (which in many fields, can be a bit tougher than American standards) and can be verified through a school or university. And being over 30, and especially over 35, diminishes your chances further because the fertile, single, younger worker is in demand. Memo to my fellow Aquarians and self-learning people: sometimes trying to learn too many skills can bite you in the ass, at least temporarily. And sometimes being 35 (let alone beyond) really is older, too. I shall overcome all of these, but the 'how' of it is quite cloudy at the moment.

So, at age 36, I find myself employable in a country that I'm feeling 'out of synch with' on so many levels (politically, educationally, financially) because of my 'self-starting/self-learning' skills and adaptability, but unemployable (or at least unvisable, if that's even a word) in a country I adore and feel 'at home' in because of my lack of formal accreditation of same skills and varying jobs during my working life. The same adaptability, ironically, the "Atlas" show tonight hailed as cornerstones of Aussie success and survival. I knew 3 years ago when I decided Oz was my primary focus I was in for some unpredictable adventures getting there, but never in my wildest dreams did I think the endless rolls of red tape would be the first mountain I would encounter. In comparison, nothing in the Blue Mountains can come close.

So now I'm looking at my best, but also perhaps last, visa option to investigate. It may work, it may not...but I've got to at least give it everything I can when I try, which I have not completely before. (I get discouraged and then let that dwell on me, which makes me more discouraged about the situation...a self-fulfilling prophecy of not making any headway if there ever was one.) It's important to take that first step out onto the road, even if I have to adjust my stride a bit when I start walking. But, looking at the "Discovery Atlas: Australia" show tonight, I remembered why and where and when and how many times I fell in love with the place to begin with: it calls to me like it's home, really home. And I owe it to myself, and to my dreams, to do everything I can to make it back there.

The Mama Panic Attack

Okay, I fully am aware I have been slacking here. A few of you have went out of your way to email me privately, a few more to others asking if I had (a) went off to parts unknown without a map, (b) taken ill and retreated to some unfound hovel, or (c) finally won the lottery and just decided to bypass my previous humanitarian ways. It's true I have been working some on my online radio at Live 365, and also have been helping out some friends at their new website, The Tall Poppy Pub, so keeping up with 3 creative projects has been a struggle at best. But, sadly (and this will disappoint some and astonish fewer), it's none of these things. Oh no, it's a tad bit more extraordinary (well, for me, anyways). Instead, it's something and/or someone I've been trying to help since, it seems, like about age 10 (although it's been more the other way around most years LOL).

Welcome, dear readers, to the Continuing Chronicles of Mama.

My Mama...the truest of the true, the bravest of the brave, the angriest of the angry (when she gets so inspired)...has decided to move. With no warning. In the middle of an advancing winter. And it gets better...she doesn't know nor care where she's going. Just all she does know is that she wants to be someplace else than her current apartment by Christmas. And she tells me this by our regular Friday afternoon phone call...last Friday. So, at the proud age of 65, widowed, in fair health but with a overflowing heart, she has decided enough is enough and she's moving on. And, no, she doesn't need help, thank you. She just thought I'd like to know, in case I would be worried or in case "someone else told me first". She said it so matter-of-factly and in such hurried and breathless tones, I was taken aback for a minute or two and actually had to ask for a repeat of the information.

The devil's in the details, and that's the troubling part of this. So far, the status is 'everything's fine' and absolutely no details beyond that are forthcoming...very un-Mamalike. Mama, though known to be a wild hair in her teenage years (considering it was the 1950's and rural), is not known for her spontaneous decisions as of late (say the last 40+ years). She has, in fact, chastised me for my travels because they were 'too openly planned', my friends for 'being too diverse and unknown' (which the latter in my teenage years could be loosely interpreted as 'gay'), my ideas for being 'too impractical and unrealistic'. (Mama can be a real pick-me-upper at times; if she knew anything about their culture, she could go head to head with a Greek mother and probably win.) She's lived in small towns...for almost three decades...that's smaller in population than my current apartment community and its whopping eight, two-storey buildings. In the four calls we've had since the announcement, Mama's given up nothing and seems totally resigned to making a final decision only when she absolutely has to and not a moment before.

Now, for those of you (especially the women) my age (mid-thirties) or younger, this is enough to cause one temporary panic. Or maybe not so temporary. One unspoken theory is that maybe she's wanting to come live with me, as she clearly adored it last year. And, while I love her dearly and would protect her to the death, the position of my mother moving in with me brings up a whole multitude of potential dilemmas, such as: (1) whose rules govern the household...my new ones or her established ones?; (2) how do I define 'my' space and limits versus hers?; (3) how do I establish myself as an adult in her eyes, especially someone like me who will 'always be her baby'?; and, here's the ringer of (4) how do I help her start over a new life for her, when I haven't even figured out the first one for myself?? Those of us from spoilt or only-children upbringings don't know anything other than having an undivided attention of our parents as children, but we are so adverse to anything remotely close to a role reversal hitting us twenty, thirty, or forty years (or more) on. While Mr. Right has not arrived on the scene yet and Mother Nature will not allow me to have my own child, I still have hopes of having my own family someday, someway, as happenstance as it may come about. Somehow I always had imagined Mama coming back into my everyday family scene later.

The eggheads in the media say if you've somehow made it out 'in the world' on your own, the 20s, the 30s, and the 40s (and maybe soon the 50s?) are your trailblazing years...what you do during this time sets what you'll be able to do later financially, physically, spiritually, mentally even. The years of taking care of ones' parents are supposed to be 'later on', whenever the hell 'later on' hits. But what happens to those parents who slaved over children and two jobs and sick relatives and poor credit...who didn't get to 'trailblaze'...do they automatically get shortchanged by default later on if they 'missed their window'?? Dear Mama has assured me that she's in as a good health as can be expected given her age and history, so that took an emotional load off my psyche. I'm not so sure what bothers me so about this: is it the feeling that she wants to come live near me and I selfishly think it will crimp my style, or is it the feeling that I am jealous of her decision...and, moreover, her determination and ability to do so...on a fixed budget? I've always been a fan of the "Papa Don't Preach" theory of life: solutions not sermons, who the hell cares the reasons why and how sometimes. I take inventory every so often of all the things I want to do still, and then days like Friday I realize she's less than 30 years my senior and certainly may have that same kind of list, too. It's amazing how I think I may still 'hit my stride' someday soon, but think hers is already over...and she's the one who has done so much more. Additionally, I want her to live by the same code I hate adhering to when answering her...the why, the what, the who, the where, the when, the endless Q&A monologue that I always flippantly blow off when she's asking the questions. Looking at it that way, one has to wonder just which of us treats the other most like an equal adult.

Maybe she just wants to move closer here for the warm weather, or maybe she wants to see some tall trees for a change. Maybe she wants to learn Spanish, a language that amazingily has not ambushed its way into her current local culture...yet.

Maybe she just wants to move to be closer to me, or the beach, or the mountains, or the nuclear power plant people are protesting against. Maybe she wants to find the voice she's lost in small towns across the Midwest, silenced all these years for fear of offending other townsfolk.

Maybe she just wants to get the fuck away from her older neighbours getting ill and dying around her, or wants to know she can still be lively and optimistic, or maybe she doesn't want to spend her time alternating between hospices, nursing homes, churches, bingo parlours, hospitals, and funeral homes.

Maybe she just wants a change while she still can, without having to explain it to anybody...and certainly not to me. Maybe she just wants to be someone else, or something else, before she dies...which she is certainly more than entitled to achieve. And certainly everything I would ever hope for her and her happiness.

Maybe I'm just worrying way too much about this change in her life and maybe everything is okay, even if I don't immediately believe that. Or, maybe, God forbid, I'm just turning into my Mama, as she gradually did in some small ways with hers.

We can only hope.

Where My Heart is Today: Coffs Harbour

This video should be me, but oh well. I've been to the glorious land that is Coffs Harbour (about 6 hours north of Sydney, on the Pacific Coast Highway) twice now...once in 2002 and again this past January. Each time I've been there it's been rainy and a bit overcast. Each time I've been there I've been stranded due to transportation issues. But each time I've been there I have fallen in love with the place, and vow that somewhere nearby there...maybe in their lovely neighbour town of Sawtell even...there is a little shack I can fix up on the weekends and do my writing at night. I miss the sound of the wallabies in the tall weeds outside the windows at the Sackville Homestay. I miss the sound of the kookaburras and other wild birds in the trees above the parking garage across from the Coffs Ex-Services Club downtown. And I miss the ocean, that glorious ebbing, at my feet when I've walked down to the shore from the Yacht Club.

So, as the first cold front moves into the beginnings of fall here, my heart and mind wander about the beauty I have left behind. And, more importantly, the sunrise from the Coffs Harbour Jetty that I've yet to see.

But, like this lucky girl...I will.

"Desiderata" by Max Ehrmann

It's time, it seems, to find inspiration from others. In my daily search for 'something to think about' (a curse of a routine that I do every day before work), I found this wonderful gem. Hopefully it will appeal to you, dear readers, as it did to me.
_______________________________________________________

Desiderata
A Poem for a Way of Life

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself to others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons that yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But not let this blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly of the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nuture strength in spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you concieve Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its shame, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

©1927 Max Ehrmann

Some of the wisest words ever written...

I don't know who should be properly credited, but I actually saw this in an email ages ago that I forgot to save somehow. Then I've seen it again in Larry Winget's great book "Shut Up, Stop Whining, and Get a Life!". (And, yes, I'm reading the book for my own personal use...hence my sporadic appearances here as of late, combined with some personal health issues.)

IF...
IF you can start the day without caffeine,
IF you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
IF you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
IF you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
IF you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
IF you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
IF you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
IF you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,
IF you can face the world without lies and deceit,
IF you can conquer tension without medical help,
IF you can relax without liquor,
IF you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
IF you can honestly say that deep in your heart that you have no prejudice against creed, color, religion, gender preference, or politics,
THEN...

...you have reached the same level of development as your dog.